Y I haven been writing for sometime

I always thought I can keep up with all these, u know always in control of my own time, but sometimes things just doesnt go your way.

On the day that i came back from my bintan trip (18Jun), my father-in-law was admitted to hospital, I went to visit him the following day and actually he was fine. But to our horror, 2 days later the doctor told us that he is in critical danger. You c , the doctors at this particular hospital fail to diagnose what is happening to him until 3 days later.

Okie when he was admitted to hospital, he was having high fever that refuse to subside for a few days. My father-in-law was sick after he came back from thailand, so these doctors check him for dengue, for bird flu.. run more then 20 blood test on him on the first few days without even thinking that it might just be that red patch on his legs. 3 days later, doc told us that the virus in the leg is spreading to the heart and kidney. Therefore a immediate surgery was called to remove the red patch with pus now.

My father-in-law has a history of diabetes and high blood pressure therefore any small surgery will be a huge risk involved, but we have no choice but to take the chance. The surgery is a little over 2 hours. That night we waited till he was wheeled into the ICU. The icu ward doctor says that the operation was considered a sucess and they are monitering him.

For the next few days, the entire family was at the icu, 24 hrs. Taking turns to keep watch outside the ward afraid that anything would go wrong. The doctors put father-in-law on dialysis machine in hope to help him purge out the remaining toxins at a faster rate so that the kidney would not fail. He was on dialysis for 3 days. All these while he was sedated , a dozen tubes stucked onto him for breathing, for waste, for feeding for drips.. etc etc.. It was a scary sight.

The first weekend that he was in the icu, I spend 1/2 of my day in the hospital. And i visit him every night after my work. Although he is not awake, I just got to show my support to the family that is there. After a week, some of the tubes are removed, he is looking better and they decided to wake him up and make him get used to breathing himselves, that took 4 more days before he can breath properly with the help of a oxygen mask. More tubes removed yesterday and he is moved to a more normal ward but still have to keep the oxygen mask on.

I saw him last night, he looks good on the chart, good blood pressure, good oxygen level.. so on.. and he can talk to us .. thru that oxygen mask.

Now all these visits to the hospital everyday is taking a toil on my own health. I was ill for a few days, high fever, lost of voice. I think i am tired. Tired mentally and physically. Tired of not in control of my own time. Yes tired of going to hospital. I was actually angry with myself for not getting control of my time. Made life difficult for my hubby by screaming , shouting or crying or jump at anything slight, like Y he was late, like the stupid traffic, like y my mum bugged me again , my mom hung my laundry the wrong way.. I was just a PEST!

So I really hope.. really that father-in-law could be well really soon and I would be able to get my life going again. And I don't like to be such an ass. I don't feel that well today again.
I hope I am not going to be sick again.. Hiaz...